March 12, 2006

Friendship

Apparently I need to post something. I don't really have anything to write about, but there are two things that have been on my mind a lot the last couple of weeks: faith and friendship.

Faith and friendship seperately, not faith in friendship, not friendship through faith... just faith, and friendship. The two things that have been bugging me relentlessly. Like little leeches eating at my brain, and neither of them seems to hold any resolve.

But I don't really want to write about faith right now, so I'll tackle friendship.

To a missionary kid who has traveled the world her whole life, friendship is both something that you crave and you fear at the same time. It's hard to always be the new kid - everybody already has their "best friend," leaving no room for me. I did have a best friend once, her name was Analicia and she's still one of the people I love the most even though I haven't even seen her in four years. And therein lies the problem.

To me, true friendship has become something that should be avoided because I always wind up leaving. Granted, I don't live in Africa anymore but because of my upbringing, my deepest feelings toward friendship have been rooted in tears and pain. I think the final blow that sealed my bitterness toward friendship came when I was 14, in 1999. My family had come to the end of our year-long furlough in Fresno, CA and we headed back to Africa. Analicia and I wrote each other letters every single day [sometimes multiple times a day] for a year or so, until the letters tapered off and slowly stopped. I remember spending Y2K by myself on the roof of our house in Africa, writing Analicia a letter and crying. I was also pretty disappointed when the electricity of the entire city didn't shut down, because it would have been ridiculously awesome to watch that happen. But that's beside the point.

What point? I'm not actually really trying to make a point, I don't think. I've been looking through quotes about friendship for the last hour or so and after wading through schloads of cheery, frolickey quotes, I found this one:

"Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache;
Do be my enemy for friendship's sake."

- William Blake



That's all I've got for now. End of post. No resolve today in Tucktown.

2 Comments:

At March 13, 2006 12:23 AM, Blogger Anthony W said...

Anthony is Tuck's friend.

 
At March 13, 2006 6:49 PM, Blogger Arias Family said...

hey... i feel u.. because i know u and i remember u stressing fears and all that stuff... but i love u, and i consider u a real friend, no matter how you feel. i think God wants to show you that he wants to grace you with friendships, even if they're not always permanent... i used to avoid relationships, and i felt that way this summer, but then i realized that god wanted to bless me with all 7 of u and i needed to receive it... and even tho we don't talk all the time, i know i could call u if i needed anything, and i hope u know u can do the same. i still kept a text from u saying that you were praying for me. well, i love you, and that's all i've got to say about that.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home