Have a Lay!

The other day as I was passing in front of Straub Hall I ran into a couple of old friends from the Newman Center, Andrew and Colleen. They were laying on the sidewalk. Andrew said, "Hey, have a lay." So I did. We haven't seen each other in a long, long time so we just laid on the sidewalk and caught up on each others' lives. Kinda random, but I can now highly reccomend sidewalk laying to anybody.

So yesterday, Andrew called me and asked me if I would come to Wednesday Night Mass at the Newman Center. I had coffee before mass with David (whose comment on this entry, I'm sure, will be posted below very soon) and I decided to just do it.

It's weird saying that going to mass was such a huge step out on a limb for me. It's mass. It's a church. Right? Yeah... It's more complicated than that. I haven't been to the Newman Center since November and a whole lot of crap has gone down since then. During it all, I just didn't feel welcome or comfortable at Newman. Afterwards, I still didn't feel like I would ever be able to go back, but every time I walk by the Newman Center, I think about what it would be like if I went back. What certain peoples' reactions to my presence would be, what kind of a welcoming (or lack thereof) I would receive. I finally decided that there was only one way to find out, and that I needed to find out before I leave for the Dominican Republic (which is in 12 days, by the way). It was just something I had to do for myself, just so I wouldn't have to always be wondering about "what if." And enough water has gone under the bridge that I felt okay about going back.

So I did. I expected to acheive one of two things. Either closure to the Newman Center (and Catholic) part of my life -or- a reopening of it. And I still don't really know which one happened, it might have to settle a little bit before I can figure that out.

What wound up happening when I showed up for mass is that most everybody was really happy to see me. I got more hugs than I could ever count, and most of them were genuine, I think. There were a few people who tried to avoid me or glare at me, but I don't really care because I didn't expect anything else from them. There were a couple people who waited to see what my reaction was to them before they welcomed me back, which is understandable. Paul's prayer during mass was something to the effect of overcoming our past differences with each other and moving on.. I think that was the general theme of the night.

I didn't realize until I got there how much I missed the Newman Center. Things will never be the way they were last year and the year before, but I don't expect them to be. I've moved on, but Newman has still managed to keep a place in my heart. But more than the place, I missed the people. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't miss all of them, but I was so happy to see most of them. The ones I wasn't so excited to see weren't so excited to see me either, so I guess that worked out in a way.

It's the little things, like Tyler singing my name when he saw me, like he always does, and Father Dave calling me Melly, and Paul calling me K-9 (because of my teeth). I built strong bonds with a lot of those people, and it hurts that I had to let them go.

Life goes on, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What I learned from last night is that whenever I see those people, which I haven't decided yet how often that will be, I'll always be welcomed with a warm hug and old nicknames. That makes me happy. Things will never be the way they were, but that's okay with me. So I'm happy.